Ms Von Schtupp*
(FKA: Ilsa, She Wolf of the Radio Waves)
Secret agent name: 0044 - Licensed to ta ta
So you want to know more about me. Well, that
tells me one of two things.
A. You have no life.
B. You are a stalker.
If it is A, read on. If its B, please
I was born in Iowa on January 12, 1966, the youngest
of 6 kids (mom and dad were Catholic - but that's another story.)
At age 5, I convinced my dad that there are no laws preventing someone
from leaving Iowa, so off to Florida the family went. He tells the
story a little differently ...right, like it was his idea!
I spent my youth in Florida like most children
do, experimenting with drugs, sex and alcohol. I soon realized I
was going nowhere, fast. I cleaned up my act and began my quest
for higher education. I entered first grade. I was bored. From first
to seventh grade, I was a straight A student. I had comments on
my report cards like..."Lili was a joy to have in class", "It was
such a joy to have Lili as a student." Did they all have the same
"How to be a good teacher guide"? ARG! Or could it be the worse
scenario, I was "a joy"? I shudder at the thought.
I did find junior high to be an interesting time.
I look back on it as a bad experiment in social behavior study.
Having been blessed by the boobie fairy at a very young age (38D
at 13), I learned a lot about people. Girls can be very cruel and
boys can be...well, boys will be boys. Need we go down that path?
( but if John U. is out there...I still don't clearly understand
the fabulous kiss you planted on me in the science hall in 7th grade
and then never really spoke to me again- men are bastards!)
Then there was high school. Ahhh ...the joy. High
school is where I really did discover alcohol, cigarettes, pot and
sex. I don't regret any of it, but I certainly don't endorse it.
Pot is illegal, and cigarettes and alcohol are really bad for your
health! ( I don't smoke anything anymore -at least 10 years now-
and only occasionally do I have a good glass of Merlot. I do indulge
on the odd special occasion as well) Then there was the sex. It's
amazing how a girl can get a reputation without having dated anyone
in high school. I dated two guys my senior year and both were uneventful,
yet I had a rep. (see learning experience from Junior high) I graduated
in '84 (Sister
Christian, oh the time has come...), I still have 2 friends
from my high school days. Maria and Lynn.
Lynn and I went back to our 10 year high school
reunion dressed as nuns. We spent the evening smoking cigars and
drinking red wine. We will burn in hell, I got my confirmation email
have you received yours? You can make all your eternal resting plans
I moved from Florida to Portland, Oregon in January
1990, it was at the start of the Gulf war. I remember that I was
worried about flying because of the media terrorizing the public
with fear of terrorists. (I think the media in general can be more
frightening than half of what they report on-should I speak this
way of my career path?) I traveled to Portland to live with a guy
I had been dating for 2 years. If anyone ever has the opportunity
to move cross country to live with some one, kill yourself - the
pain is much shorter that way. I managed to extend that horrible
living hell for another 6 years. Goodie goodie. I recently heard
he is poverty stricken and unemployed. Couldn't have happened to
a nicer a guy, but I'm not bitter.
I told my family I was moving to get away from
them, so if you see them...keep up the lie. Thanks.
Then after a year of therapy and much needed "me
time", I met a wonderful man, we spent a year together and then
got married. It should have been perfect but it wasn't. He was a
really great guy and we had fun together but that wasn't enough
to base a lifelong commitment on. I left after 4 months, I don't
think he can say my name to this date with out a twitch. Women can
be such bastards! Don't cry too hard for him. He did his share of
hurting me after the divorce. We don't talk now.
To quote WC Fields,"Marriage is a fine institution,
but I'm not ready to be institutionalized."
I needed a fresh start. I moved to Washington DC
and got my dream job. I did affiliate relations for Online Tonight
with David Lawrence. I slowly worked my way into the producers chair
by impressing David with my assets. (not those assets - see junior
high) My ability to make a cat5 cable Ethernet cord, type(those
of you in the chat room-shut up!) and work a phone system.
I'm currently single, okay married to my job.
I spend my evenings online with our listeners and I have no pets
or children - that I know of.**
Thanks for being my family.
*Okay, the name. Lili
Von Schtupp comes from the mind of a brilliant man, Mel Brooks.
Blazing Saddles is one of my favorite movies...I'd tell you more
but, "I'm tired." Thank you Madeline Kahn, you are missed.
**Carol Liefer gets the credit for
the "no kids, that I know of" line...credit where credit is due.
One last note, if you did a search
on Lili Von Schtupp and found some nasty stories. I DID NOT WRITE
THEM! I write much better than that. (giggle)